Where am I? The sheets are cold and I can’t move a muscle… Perspiration all over my skin… Worry in my eyes, scanning everything around… Heart beats quickening… Swallow the less crazy words before you scream out the real crazy questions…

Do you ever wake up numb?… Like you’re chained to your bed… Like you don’t belong to that place… Like someone dragged you there in the middle of the night… But I live alone!

When will I start waking up sane? When will this pain between my lungs disappear? I lose hope with every other faded sunrise… When will I leave this dark place?

How many more hours of operation does it take to mend a broken heart? Please tell me… will I get better? Some said, “Share your worries with the seas.”… Why can’t I feel better when I’ve been screaming my worries from mountain tops?!

Another day… another feeling of not belonging to your own hometown… When will I leave this sickening place? Shut doors and oxygen masks… When will I hear the birds?

Yellow flowers by my bed… Is there a visitor? No… It’s not for me… It’s for the girl in this hospital bed trying to fight her demons… I’ve already lost that battle…


Seagulls of Istanbul

If you’re in Istanbul, by the coast and looking for a friend (mostly to share your bagel), I’m here for you. It only takes one piece to call me. Seagull is my name. I’m more of a fish kind of  bird but you know, a bagel or two won’t hurt.

Remember how your mother used to say, “A little bird told me…” Well that’s us, apart from catching thrown bagels mid-air in style, we also transport important gossip.

The Bosphorus is always blue… it has many shades of blue during the day and at night but my favorite shade is at 3 in the afternoon… want to know why? Simply because around at 3, the sea welcomes more ferries and therefore the chances of me getting a piece of bagel increases.

Tourists are always lost. Especially when they don’t know how to feed me bagel! They have to learn the Turkish culture… All they do is take pictures and not share their bagel… What a waste of time in their tour.

I just love how those little kids watch me glide by their ferry… makes me feel like I’m giving a performance. I especially love this person writing my story because even if she has never shared her bagel with any of us… I’m sure next time she will.

Once again reminding you.. If you’re by the coast and you have a bagel, please share it with us!

Poetry Podcasts

I know we haven’t exactly met in so many years… sometimes the miles of distance between us felt like a telephone cord… and sometimes I wrote letters for you like we were living in the 70s. I never sent the letters… I just kept them sealed in a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind? Not really…

It was one of those early mornings when sun played hide and seek with the clouds. A rainy day was the last thing I wanted to welcome, I hated skipping walking by the coast in the mornings… Well how could I not hate it? It was the only time when I was all alone with my thoughts, just my thoughts…

That morning started off uneventful but ended up being one of those hightlighted days of the month. We never really plan for much when we’re busy and rushing from one miserable day to another. But this day in particular was not that miserable.

I entered a book store and heard they were reciting poetry in the afternoon. I thought it’d be a change to spend my Saturday afternoon listening to poetry… So I stuck around to attend the event.

There weren’t many people around, say maybe twenty? So the last person to volunteer to recite poetry was you… There was so much passion in your voice that I couldn’t stop myself from doing what I did next. I raised my hand and asked for you to read it again. That’s when our eyes met.

So these days your substitute is poetry podcasts at 2 AM…

Inner Beauty´╗┐

I lost my hope on a rainy day,

You found it’s pieces yesterday,

Your silence is a broken glass under my feet,

You’re the pearl I found under a summer heat.


Pebbles, shells & lots of sand,

I fell down & you stretched your hand.

Just like the fallen leaves on an autumn day,

Caught up with the wind dancing in a different way.


Lost in the forest of lonely souls,

Where the beauty of nature calls.

I saw a bright light in you long time ago,

A beauty that I just couldn’t possibly let go.


Every step I took, it went far away,

I just stood there to find a way,

The more it ran, the more I chased,

The more it shone, the more I stood there amazed.


You’ve been through betrayal & hate,

Death took him but I’m here mate,

You inspired me with your inner beauty,

I can only repay you with my loyalty.




Your fragrance, your touch, your voice and your gaze… I’m familiar with all of these but I still can’t get used to the idea of you being away from me…

Believe me… Without you… Istanbul doesn’t have a Bosphorus, it can’t swallow the bitterness of our longing…

Every time you leave… you steal nothing but the memory dusts of the places we’ve been to and the possibility of the air around us being intertwined as we breathe.

Do other people count days? Is it something only detached lovers do?

When you’re away, everything is bland. No flowers, no letters, no hellos.

Every song, every melody I love… But my heart beats with a rhythm only sung by you.

Happiness, love and what not… But how many more reasons do you need to stay?


Daisy Innocence

How do you forgive someone who hurt you? How do you get rid of the things that cling to your soul? How do you blow the dust of your past? How do you exhale without breathing fire?

Every little detail, every little noteworthy moment… But is this all worth forgiving?

Daisy is the symbol of innocence and forgiveness to me.

So you can only hope that these daisies will fix us… No promises.

We rush everything, even forgiveness. Ungrateful as we are… we forget to be gentle to people with our most expected mistakes. Some mistakes are unforgettable and some are unforgivable…

Do you want to hear the good news first or the bad news?

If you can’t hear the good news first… then why do you say you are patient when you can’t even wait for your happy ending?



Remember that day at the beach? The sky and the sea were clear and aligned with our dreams… Do you miss those days like I do?

As deep as the oceans,
As delicate as a daisy,
As chilly as a highland,
Your heart is my home.

One jigsaw to complete this mess. I’m always missing a piece without you… Two in the morning and I’m still sleepless. The art of loving was never this complicated… Three in the afternoon and I just realized I skipped breakfast. How long will I have this light headedness? Four words to lessen my pain… Five more fingers between mine… Six different ways to say sorry… Seven days of misery and 24 hours of negatory feelings. Eight poems written for you… Nine lives gone to waste…

Remember how we never sailed? I was always a boat dreaming of setting sail to new adventures and you were… an anchor… grounding me.

Remember, remember the day I let my dreams drown in deep seas…