Numb

Where am I? The sheets are cold and I can’t move a muscle… Perspiration all over my skin… Worry in my eyes, scanning everything around… Heart beats quickening… Swallow the less crazy words before you scream out the real crazy questions…

Do you ever wake up numb?… Like you’re chained to your bed… Like you don’t belong to that place… Like someone dragged you there in the middle of the night… But I live alone!

When will I start waking up sane? When will this pain between my lungs disappear? I lose hope with every other faded sunrise… When will I leave this dark place?

How many more hours of operation does it take to mend a broken heart? Please tell me… will I get better? Some said, “Share your worries with the seas.”… Why can’t I feel better when I’ve been screaming my worries from mountain tops?!

Another day… another feeling of not belonging to your own hometown… When will I leave this sickening place? Shut doors and oxygen masks… When will I hear the birds?

Yellow flowers by my bed… Is there a visitor? No… It’s not for me… It’s for the girl in this hospital bed trying to fight her demons… I’ve already lost that battle…

Advertisements

Remember

Remember that day at the beach? The sky and the sea were clear and aligned with our dreams… Do you miss those days like I do?

As deep as the oceans,
As delicate as a daisy,
As chilly as a highland,
Your heart is my home.

One jigsaw to complete this mess. I’m always missing a piece without you… Two in the morning and I’m still sleepless. The art of loving was never this complicated… Three in the afternoon and I just realized I skipped breakfast. How long will I have this light headedness? Four words to lessen my pain… Five more fingers between mine… Six different ways to say sorry… Seven days of misery and 24 hours of negatory feelings. Eight poems written for you… Nine lives gone to waste…

Remember how we never sailed? I was always a boat dreaming of setting sail to new adventures and you were… an anchor… grounding me.

Remember, remember the day I let my dreams drown in deep seas…

Unrequited Love

I started writing a journal yesterday and I never once mentioned your name. You are the secret I keep even from my dear diary… I’ve talked to and about other people but your name is a sin… it’s the unspoken secret affair.

Everything changes when love enters the picture… along with heartache and groundless happiness. They are the best of friends!

Loving you…

At first it’s like… Opening your eyes to a garden full of flowers… mostly red roses and they sing in a whisper. Oh, how your voice always brings me joy!

A little time later it’s like… Pulling two ends of a string. Pulling, pulling and pulling to only break it. Never have I ever felt such a strong tension.

Some days it’s like… Waking up to a cloudy winter morning with a smile on.

When I’m alone it’s like… Looking out of the window every night into the empty porch.

When I’m lost it’s like… Searching for a familiar face in a crowd of strangers.

When everything is cold and bitter it’s like… Putting on gloves in autumn.

When I miss you it’s like… Suffocating by the dust of yesterdays and the glitter of tomorrows.

In the end it’s always like… Your voice echoing, “It’s not too late to start again”.

So I thought maybe, if I don’t mention your name, your reality will only stay in my day-dreams and I’ll only whisper your name when I’m alone.

 

 

 

Our Garden

It was an old story, ours… It started off just like any… Unlike most fairytales there was no “and they lived happily ever after…” ending. It was more like, “So long and thanks for all the memories”…

 
One spring afternoon when I was attending an art gallery you passed by. No “Hi”, no “Hello”… Maybe you didn’t see me… I isolated myself in the corner. Just as you were passing by again, I turned my back to avoid eye contact. You saw me and chuckled just as you would. This time I had no escape. I turned around to meet your mischievous eyes. Some feelings don’t die…

After a cup of tea, I gave in to your easiness and warm company. You asked so many questions I didn’t want to answer. Even though it was sincere, one of your many questions didn’t receive a correct answer… you asked how I was and I said fine… even though everything was falling apart. I wonder if you’ve lied to me as well…

I don’t know where you are now… I don’t know if you’re happy like the last time I saw you… I don’t know if you still remember me…

But I’d like to imagine an ending to our story… Maybe one day we’ll run into each other in a garden just like the first time we met… Some gardens grow happiness, others just plain flowers…

That’s why I will always look for you in gardens happiness grows…

The One That Got Away

All the right signs for all the wrong assumptions… I loved my dreams and memories more than I loved the idea of him at the time… Hope is an ugly word for someone who doesn’t believe in their past self being right about the one that got away… 

What I needed wasn’t a confrontation… I really don’t need anybody’s second-hand worries. I just wanted what all the little girls wanted… love. Not the puppy kind but maybe I wouldn’t have said no to it at the time. Now I’m more into eternal kind… maybe it’s senseless but I guess it’s better to dream of being loved than being someone’s “last night’s hunt”. 

On second thought I don’t “want” love, I’m asking for love… to be sensible and to fix all the broken hearts or just replace it with plastic flowers. Everything else dies eventually…

Kiss Me

Kiss me like…

You do in my dreams

Kiss me on…

A sweet day like this

Kiss me so…

I can never forget you

Kiss me again…

I can always keep your secrets

Kiss me and…

My lips will be sealed

Kiss me always…

I’ll miss you the second you leave

Kiss me so…

I know you’ll stay

Kiss me once more…

I want to tell you something 

Kiss me lightly…

Only my eyes can talk in a moment like this

Kiss me and…

Make sure I believe

Kiss me so…

I know it’s true

Kiss me and tell me that…

All my dreams were real and you were too

Q: Who do you love and who loves you?

Love isn’t just a verb or a noun anymore… it’s a deep concept. For me, it’s the core of the universe. It’s what everything is built on. Relationships, raising kids, art, growing plants, all the hobbies in between the earth and the skies… and even money. We collect money to get what we love!.. We go through heart breaks to find our true love… We raise kids to spread love… We make art for/about love… We spend our leisure time doing what we love… Everything is based on love. Everything is connected.

When you ask who do you love?… I can count many people. I am easy with giving love. Who loves me? Unless they confess their feelings to me, well I wouldn’t know. All I know is, I have a sweet family and they love me indefinitely… but what matters is strangers that enter our lives… what made them love us? What makes us special? Do we deserve to be loved by that specific person? All those questions are nagging my brain.

What bothers me most is the question “why are we dealing with so many hatred when love is so easy to share?”. Love is indefinite, you can share it and you will never be out of love. Love has no expiration date. Love only ends when you restrict and convince yourself.