Once Again You’re Half-way Gone

April 9 1988
Once again you’re half-way gone to a place I’ve never seen. Something bothers me but I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to share it so soon. Not that I wonder day and night about your daily activities. Not that I miss you every second. It’s only because I’ve been dreading to write my feelings for far too long. You could say I’m almost reaching my goals and ambitions in things that are most important to me but what good it is when I’ve got no “you” around to talk my troubles and misfortunes? Do you always leave everything behind or do you come back often? Do you think you’ll ever give me a second chance? Please come back home…

November 30 1991
Once again you’re half-way gone to a place I’m not in. I don’t know if you ever read my letters, you might be burning them in your fireplace for all I know. That wouldn’t be so nice. I hope you’re not ignoring my letters, maybe I have your address wrong, maybe your letters get lost. I just really hope that you do read them. I miss you terribly. I know you’ve told me that I shouldn’t be expecting your return so soon but hasn’t it already passed the time where we could call it soon? I just really really hope you return home as soon as you can. I’ve got a surprise for you!

December 2 1999
Once again you’re half-way gone to the place I’ve been dreaming to see. One would say you’re quite the traveller but I’ve never seen the ocean yet. I always thought I’d be the one to experience real life adventures but it seems I’m bound to stay between the lines. Books can both keep me or make me sane or insane. What about the letters you write though? Those can be as deep as the scars you’ve left as a memory. My friends say I’m too optimistic about you. I find that untrue because if it wasn’t for you, I’d be scared of living this life as it is. You’ve taught me a new way of seeing life. It can be scary at times but I’m not scared anymore. I’ve seen the most frightening things of all. I’ve met you, is there anything more dangerous than that?

May 17 2004
Once again you’re half-way gone to a place I’ve never heard before. My friends have been telling me about a doctor that could make me forget you… but that’s not what I want. It’s hard to say I know what I want. I never knew what I wanted until I met you, after that everything was about you. I forgot who I was, I always kept you first. You were so important to me that I believed everything you said. I believed your lies. I kept your secrets. When the policemen asked about the last time that I’ve seen you, I lied. I shouldn’t have. I knew you were going to your motherland last month. I’ve betrayed myself to the point that I started protecting you. There was no threat. I did all of that because I loved a bad person who deserved nothing. Nevertheless I still don’t want to forget you.

August 24 2015
Once again you’re half-way gone to the place I no longer miss. I sometimes forget who you were. It’s funny how I no longer remember your face. Your name on my tongue, it sounds more like it belongs to a stranger now. The doctor my friends told me about is treating me now. I adopted a cat and named it after the thing you most hate. I burned your indigo striped red tie. I burned all of your belongings. I don’t expect you to show up anymore. I don’t expect anything at all. I’m stronger than ever before. I’m wiser. I’m better. I no longer need you.

February 15 2016
Once again you’re half-way gone to the only place every living soul ends up in. When I heard the news I wasn’t shocked, I knew you couldn’t escape God. You might’ve fooled me and maybe thousand others but truth will out. You might be thinking this is the end but I think you owe me an apology. If I don’t get an apology, I’m confessing. You can’t change my mind anymore. You might be in your deathbed but I’ve never felt more alive. Vengeance isn’t a nice thing but I’ve kept quiet for far too long. I don’t think I can lie to our daughter about you anymore. She deserves to know where you are. She might visit you, it’s her choice after all but I don’t think I will. I’ve been through too much and I’m not going to have an eye contact with the person that ruined my life ever again. I hope you regret your life because I lost and wasted mine because of you…

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