I’ve been feeling like I never felt in a thousand years… impossible in the best way. I guess I’ve been keeping in so many secrets and feelings… I might want to talk about it but maybe I just don’t want to talk about it at all… I don’t know… I sometimes don’t even know what I want… Music feels too loud sometimes, I wouldn’t know why… I can’t tolerate anything anymore… everything is too much now… yet nothing feels enough…

I hate this feeling in my gut… it’s like homesickness to a place that doesn’t exist or maybe it does… it’ll take time to discover… a whole new universe, a whole new life… a whole new love… maybe just him…

They say you wouldn’t know the real value of things until you actually lose them… but I don’t want to lose you… or anything that’s important in my life… it’d be bad… everything with the losing… I want to earn things… losing isn’t for me…. Clearly I need to arrange my life first… how to though? It’s hard and I guess I’ll give up in the middle of it like I always do…

It feels good to start writing again… after a really long time… I guess I’m not in love enough to bleed words anymore… feels like it though… My inspiration is his voice… he’s busy and I miss him terribly… what to do? Be patient like always… I can do that, yes I can!

I’m constantly tired… I don’t do much but why would I feel tired? Restless yet I do sleep enough… maybe I need the energy that he gives me when he smiles… I need him and I won’t deny that… I miss him terribly it’s destroying my health…

If loneliness ever tries to drag you away, run towards me…


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